Victoria: "Mum knew her body - she knew something was not right."
Despite going back and forth repeatedly to her GP, Victoria’s mum Jane was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in A&E - alone. But diagnosis in A&E is not rare; 40% of women in England are diagnosed this way, when symptoms have reached crisis point.
When she passed away, Victoria and her family decided to set up an online Tribute Fund so that they could help prevent other families from going through what they did.
Victoria with her mum, Jane
Mum had such a real zest for life, and she couldn’t help but give kindness to all who met her. She wasn’t just a mum to me and my sister, but to so many who adopted her over the years.
We were lucky to live in beautiful countryside, so Mum loved being in her garden, taking her dog Buster for walks, and going for long bike rides.
But her real love was her family. She used to be a confectioner and a baker by trade, but she gave it all up when the grandchildren came along, so she could help look after them.
Profiteroles were her favourite thing to bake, and my nephew has her recipe book – his own way to carry her legacy on. My Mum and I used to make novelty cakes together for friends and family, and making the first one on my own, after she died, was incredibly hard.
She was such a big part of our life. You know she was my best friend.
It was the summer of 2021 when her symptoms began. She had had a history of IBS and had battled with her weight in the past, so she was going for weekly weigh-ins. But despite being increasingly bloated, she wasn’t putting on any weight. It started to cause her a lot of pain and discomfort.
She was back and forth with her GP, but they put it down to stress, then IBS, then a bowel infection. She also had a persistent cough and began to feel sick quite a lot. The prescribed her pain relief, but she couldn’t keep it down.
I remember saying to her in late August that things aren’t getting any better and maybe it could be something more serious. I said to her, “You need to keep pushing for answers”.
Jane
By late September she had really low energy, so she went back into the GP and was seen by a locum GP. She mentioned a cousin who had had ovarian cancer, and the locum GP told her this meant they could order a CA125 test and that it probably hadn’t been ordered because it was expensive. She’d had no scans, no ultrasounds up to this point– only a standard blood test. Everything so far was about treating the symptoms rather than trying to find the root cause.
While waiting for the blood test, her symptoms got progressively more painful. She had a telephone appointment with the nurse, who told her she didn’t know what else she could do to help.
So, we took her to A&E because it got so bad. I remember sitting with the triage nurse and saying, “I’m really scared my mum’s got cancer, I don’t want to leave her”. It was 2021, and because of COVID, I wasn’t allowed to stay. Her blood test came back that evening at 10pm, and they told her, alone, that she had cancer.
The following Tuesday, the GP called her in for the results of her CA125 test. I went with her, and the doctor told her they had some bad news. She replied, “Are you going to tell me I’ve got cancer? Because I was diagnosed last week”.
She was diagnosed around late October, and she didn’t start treatment until Christmas Eve. By that point, her cancer was at stage 4.
Jane with family
She found chemotherapy tough and ended up having litres of fluid drained from her abdomen twice. Throughout this, the ongoing side effects of her treatment and existing symptoms meant she ended up having quite a few hospital admissions and didn’t end up having all her chemotherapy sessions.
A week before she died, she had had a hospital admission because they had found she had low potassium levels. Here, they told us that her cancer had spread throughout her body, and she didn’t have long left.
The day she went into the Hospice was a doubly emotional one for me. It was also the day my youngest had his first trial day with a childminder, and all my other kids had been looked after by mum. It was so hard, and I don’t know how we managed it really – but my family and the local care team rallied around her to make it possible.
My mum was so young and had so much left to give, which makes her death so much harder to bear. She had finally discovered who she was, found her peace and happiness, and her place to shine in the world.
When mum was diagnosed, we started to follow the Ovarian Cancer Action Facebook page and still continue to share all the information. Ovarian cancer was not on the GP’s radar.
We set up an online Tribute Fund when she passed away, where friends and family donated and added photos and memories. My husband and father-in-law also did a cycle ride to her hometown in Scotland, called 'Miles for Mama', to raise money and raise awareness of the charity.
My mum was determined that her death would not be in vain, and continuing to raise awareness was her dying wish. We just hope that the small things we do to raise awareness, and funds may prevent another family from going through what we did.
I would always tell people to trust their instincts. You know your body better than anything, so when my mum said this is not IBS right at the beginning of summer, she knew her body - she knew there was something not right.
Jane sitting out in the garden.
Victoria and her family’s Tribute Fund is a lasting way to honour Jane’s memory and support vital research that will save lives in the future.
By creating a Tribute Fund in memory or celebration of someone special, you too can create a place to share memories, celebrate their life, and make a difference for generations to come.
